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I Got Screwed By An Auto Repair Shop And It's My Own Damn Fault I Got Screwed By An Auto Repair Shop And It's My Own Damn Fault

A commonly held idea in car culture is that “German reliability” is as oxymoronic as a diarrhea-free Chipotle burrito bowl. “The most expensive car I can ever buy is a cheap German,” people say. To prove them wrong, I bought a broken BMW 540i and planned to have someone other than me fix it, as I had other things to…

BMW 5 Series: Jalopnik's Buyer's Guide BMW 5 Series: Jalopnik's Buyer's Guide

The BMW 5 Series is has been the benchmark for big sporty luxury sedans since the dawn of time. What do you need to know before you buy an 5 Series? Don’t worry, we’ll tell you everything right here in our Buyer’s Guide.

Mercedes E-Class: Jalopnik's Buyer's Guide Mercedes E-Class: Jalopnik's Buyer's Guide

The Mercedes E-Class is a classic over-engineered German sedan, but that’s not a bad thing. What do you need to know before you buy an E-Class? Don’t worry, we’ll tell you everything right here in our Buyer’s Guide.

Your Ridiculously Awesome Drifting E28 BMW 5-Series Wallpaper Is Here Your Ridiculously Awesome Drifting E28 BMW 5-Series Wallpaper Is Here

This is not a BMW that drive your kids to school in. It's not a BMW some wealthy German businessman drives to an important meeting. It's not a BMW you buy to impress the neighbors.

This Craigslist BMW Is Parked Next To A Batmobile With No Explanation Given This Craigslist BMW Is Parked Next To A Batmobile With No Explanation Given

Every now and then, I find stuff on Craigslist that really throws me for a loop. Take this ad for a 1998 BMW 528i. Looks like a decent used car deal with the kinds of goodies we like on our BMWs — sport package, BBS wheels, manual transmission, sun roof, nice audio system and "no check engine light" on the dash.…

Your Ridiculously Awesome BMW Snow Drift Wallpaper Is Here Your Ridiculously Awesome BMW Snow Drift Wallpaper Is Here

Depending on where you are in the world, there's a good chance that the weather outside is pretty frightful. This means most people will want to stay off the roads. But for someone with the right set of tires, and the right set of skills, snow time equals fun drifty time.

Your Ridiculously Awesome Alpina B9 (Tribute) Wallpaper Is Here Your Ridiculously Awesome Alpina B9 (Tribute) Wallpaper Is Here

Got a ton of money and like BMWs, but feel like they don't offer enough power and luxury even in M guise? That's a nice problem to have. And if you have it, Alpina has your back, just as they have for many years.

BMW Recalls 1.3 Million Cars For Battery Cable Cover BMW Recalls 1.3 Million Cars For Battery Cable Cover

BMW issued a recall today of about 1.3 million cars worldwide over the incorrect mounting of the battery cable cover in 5 and 6 Series models built between 2003 and 2010. The Chicago Tribune reports that BMW is not aware of any accidents or injuries related to the problem.

The New York DMV sent me stolen license plates The New York DMV sent me stolen license plates

Here's the story of how a BMW owner spent the better part of a year driving around with license plates assigned to a Honda last registered in the 90s. He'd still have the "stolen" vanity plates — sent to him by the New York DMV — if it weren't for two run-ins with Johnny Law.

The world's fastest Christmas card The world's fastest Christmas card

Taking a break from painting sexy portraits of cows, Swiss illustrator Gavin Patterson took a lap around Circuit de l'Anneau Du Rhin in Alsace with a BMW factory driver. On the way, he had to draw a Christmas card. Spoiler: He did not poke himself in the eye with a pen.

For $6,500, take five For $6,500, take five

A palindrome is a word or phrase that is spelled the same both forward or backward - like taco cat or as I pee sir, I see Pisa. The name of today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe BMW is a palindromic 535, but could you go either way on its price?

How I painted a BMW in my tiny New York Apartment How I painted a BMW in my tiny New York Apartment

Despite the stereotype, car guys can exist in New York City, where parking is expensive and annoying, and good workspaces are harder to find than a cab on a rainy day. This is the story of how one car enthusiast prepped, primed and wrapped his BMW in a one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn.

BMW's parody of famous Shell ad ends in a twist BMW's parody of famous Shell ad ends in a twist

Shell once ran an ad in which an F1 car was refueled by an air tanker. Imagine the same premise, only the car's a 5 Series, BMW's touting fuel economy and the ending's a surprise. BMW: the ultimate deus ex macchiato.

Captain Krug gets his man in a 5-series wagon Captain Krug gets his man in a 5-series wagon

"Schnitzel, again?" Captain Krug protests as he loads up his tray in the Autobahnpolizei station cafeteria. Another reminder that, no matter what they show you on television, police work is monotony mixed with boredom served with soggy cabbage. At least one thing's changed. They've given him an unmarked BMW 5er wagon…

Why is BMW working on an all-wheel-drive M5? Why is BMW working on an all-wheel-drive M5?

A BMW M5 with xDrive? Don your Internet fire suits and get to the forums in in 3-2-1... There's no production confirmation, but as Autocar reports, BMW officials have confirmed they're messing with the concept. Is the end of tail-out action near?

2012 BMW M5: First Drive... on ice 2012 BMW M5: First Drive... on ice

If, say, BMW invites you to ride in a new BMW M5 on a Swedish lake, the cynic in you might expect one of those shambolic "passenger" rides where the hapless journalist attempts to glean something of use riding shotgun.

This is the BMW wagon we're pining for This is the BMW wagon we're pining for

Each time we've passed by the B5 BiTurbo Touring, the Alpina-tuned 5 Series wagon, here at Geneva, we've let out a little whimper. And why shouldn't we? With a 507 HP and 516 lb-ft o' torque BMW twin-turbocharged 4.4-liter V8 powerplant under the hood, it's hard for your pants not to tighten when you see this power…

Alles-OOP! Alles-OOP!

Continuing a series of flying 5-Series is this E12, caught during liftoff. We'd recommend that lovely passenger of the 1970s not continue to strike that pose upon re-entry. [via Ben Kraal]

BMW Burns Like Atlanta Because Of A Little Snow BMW Burns Like Atlanta Because Of A Little Snow

An Atlanta TV crew setup for a live shot on winter weather caught a BMW 5-Series slipping, spinning and suddenly catching on fire. This is not how you want to dispose of the ultimate driving machine.

For $16,998, Dial M For Motorsports, or maybe Malevolence For $16,998, Dial M For Motorsports, or maybe Malevolence

In Top Gear's test of the 458, Jezza berated all prior V8 Ferraris for not being as good. The successors to today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe BMW have also reached greater heights, but none has equalled its foreboding looks.

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